Istanbul TV

In case you’re wondering, I haven’t dropped off the face of the earth. I have, however, been busy in a dream world since I last wrote.

I had to wake up from that dream a few weeks ago. That’s why I have been putting off writing this entry. In my spare time, I have been too busy…well, sort of.

I have been repeatedly going over my favourite photos, laughing at inside jokes about the Fellow’s animal kingdom, obsessively creeping on Facebook profiles, and putting dents in my mother’s floors from stomping out the Buyuk Halay.

When I write this, it’s officially over. This is the final chapter, or at least the beginning of a new book.

Those final weeks of the fellowship were filled with every activity and emotion possible. Dance rehearsals and fatigue. Academy workshops and enlightenment. Movie-making and laughter. Surprise TV performances and adrenaline. Hugging and heartbreak.

On our last night, we made the most of those last few moments. The fellows only slept about 10 hours over three days, but we threw caution to the wind. Why not stay up all night laughing, playing guitar, and signing each other’s t-shirts? I was tempted to be a total grandma and go to bed, but Shubhangi talked me out of it. I’m so glad she did because it was a night to remember.

Then came the goodbyes. Nobody likes those. Each of us got the send off only my crazy fellows could pull off: complete with Maulvi’s guitar playing and Lucas’s high pitched shouting. We probably woke up the entire hotel. Oh well. The Lion deserved it am I right Fellows?

The trek home was long and emotionally arduous. In Chicago, I decided to pop my Fire of Anatolia DVD into my laptop. Bad idea. I recognized all the dancer’s faces and realized I didn’t know when I’d see them again. I looked at photos of the Fellows. I already missed them all so much it physically HURT. Cue uncontrollable sobbing at Gate 44.

I will admit it was nice to walk through the familiar red front door of my parent’s house. There’s always some comfort in that. My mother happily listened to countless stories over the Christmas holidays, much to my Turkish delight.

However, I had the worst reverse culture shock I have had so far in my travels. My adrenaline came crashing down. I didn’t have rehearsal. There was no one to laugh at our inside jokes. The simplest things would remind me of what I was missing. A feather would remind me of Lucas. Someone spat and I thought of Dani. I hacked pleghm and I pictured Hannah. A wide belt put me into tears as I thought of Abi. Why isn’t everyone here?

To make matters worse, people kept asking me that dreaded question: ‘How was your trip?’ I realize this is a fair question to ask, but it still frustrates me for some reason. It’s not like a lounged under a palm tree for three months. IT WAS A LIFE CHANGING EXPERIENCE! Asking that question makes me feel like people don’t get it. I know that’s an assumption, but when you’re having trouble re-adjusting it’s an uncontrollable response.

Thankfully, I had my chance to really explain how I felt to everyone around me. It’s one of the parks working for a TV show. I hoped at least a few viewers were wondering where I had been. I did two segments sharing, photos, videos and stories. I suddenly felt a lot better about life after Turkey and that people were beginning to understand how much this has changed my life.

A few of my friends and colleagues have remarked that I seem more confident. I guess maybe it’s coming across that way because I’m done being so afraid. I’m not afraid to be myself. I’m not afraid to go against the grain. I’m not afraid to follow my dreams.

So yes, this dream is over. Now another can begin. Whatever it is, it will be everyone I met in Turkey that helped make it a reality. I owe you everything.